Long time no see.
I'm alive and well. Life's been getting a tad too congested lately, and my mind has been in other places than the here and now. Compared to where I was a year ago, I am kicking serious ass. But I don't feel like I am truly thriving. I'm not completely enthralled with each breath of the day. I don't even know if that is possible. Nevertheless, trying can't hurt.
Trying is the bomb.
Lucky for me, I am leaving to venture in the land of fire and ice (Iceland) this sunday! Over the next two weeks, I am going to calm myself. It is time for me to reorient myself towards my foundational vision. A maturely fulfilled existence.
See you soon. With pictures.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Where I'v been
It has been a month!!!! Where have I been? Well, I'v been busy and distracted. I have fallen in love, started swimming, mastered stocking produce, searched future career opportunities, and have been on a job safari. Relative to my pre-2010 status, I have been thriving, but I still could improve. I have been doing really well on the negative side of things by quitting smoking and drinking less. And in place of those I have been exercising, reading more, getting better sleep, and going on more adventures! Not only do I feel like a million bucks, I feel like I have a million bucks!! Well, not really. I don't make much cash-o-la but I have so much more than I would if I had not started healthier habits. I think wellness, when it is truly being achieved, comes packaged with many improved aspects of life. Health, wealth, and wisdom are joint ventures.
But to get on a topic. Can distraction be a part of thriving? I think so, but like all things, in moderation.
Moderation.
Now there is a word.
To be moderate means to be between the extremes of excess and dearth. But each thing which is capable of excess, scarcity, or moderation has it's own nature and temper. Some things are better done frequently while others only on occasion. Breath frequently, eat ice cream on occasion. But how do we know what to do when and how often? Where is the compass pointing towards happiness?
I think our bodies do a good job at telling us.
Mr. Dombos, my grade school gym teacher, dictum of caution was: "Pain is natures way of saying 'don't do that'"
But, then again, our bodies also tell us some things we shouldn't listen to. We often have repetitive pain in our lives, but can't seem to get rid of it. Our lives are filled with complexities and so are our minds and bodies. It makes sense, then, that it is hard to resolve the pain that is mixed up between our minds, bodies, and the world. I think it takes a careful mind, one that looks attentively at histories, patterns, and details, one that asks and listens to others input, one that is not afraid to change, take risks, and be wrong, to find the root causes of our troubles. In short, we need to create and partake in communities of scientists devoted to improving each others lives. We need to experiment with our experiences.
But to get on a topic. Can distraction be a part of thriving? I think so, but like all things, in moderation.
Moderation.
Now there is a word.
To be moderate means to be between the extremes of excess and dearth. But each thing which is capable of excess, scarcity, or moderation has it's own nature and temper. Some things are better done frequently while others only on occasion. Breath frequently, eat ice cream on occasion. But how do we know what to do when and how often? Where is the compass pointing towards happiness?
I think our bodies do a good job at telling us.
Mr. Dombos, my grade school gym teacher, dictum of caution was: "Pain is natures way of saying 'don't do that'"
But, then again, our bodies also tell us some things we shouldn't listen to. We often have repetitive pain in our lives, but can't seem to get rid of it. Our lives are filled with complexities and so are our minds and bodies. It makes sense, then, that it is hard to resolve the pain that is mixed up between our minds, bodies, and the world. I think it takes a careful mind, one that looks attentively at histories, patterns, and details, one that asks and listens to others input, one that is not afraid to change, take risks, and be wrong, to find the root causes of our troubles. In short, we need to create and partake in communities of scientists devoted to improving each others lives. We need to experiment with our experiences.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Inch by Inch and everything is a Cinch!
Ok, so this isn't going to be about changing social groups. Its just a link to a good tip on habit building. The article is on Jerry Seinfeld's method of being a good productive joke writer. I think i might give it a try! Maybe i can actually get some substantive work done on my thesis this way!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Theory and Practice
Today I am writing about the disconnect between one's habits and the habits that one knows are best. Habits are one of the most important parts of life. They, more than anything else, define the trajectory of your life. Habit is an essential part of your being. Be lazy, and your life will stagnate and decline. Be distracted, and you will not achieve your goals. Be mindless, and you will be erratic. Eat unhealthy, be unhealthy. You get what you give. You reap what you sew. In short: Karma.
I, like most mortals, have ideals. These are the projections of the ways that I do and wish to carry myself through life. I, however, seem to have trouble fulfilling the ones that I find most compellingly true. I want to know why. It is crazy that with some of my ideals, say being in excellent physical health, I barely even try. Now, I am not morbidly unhealthy by any means, but I definitely could do a lot more in the department. Nothing makes more sense to me than to exercise and eat right. But i don't.
I think this disconnect between my practices and my beliefs has to do with my assumptions that have accompanied my development. I had an exceptionally healthy childhood. I ate right, got tons of exercise, rarely got sick and never worried about my health. Then as I started leaving my parents domain in my teens and partook in the habits of my peers. I began making unhealthy decisions. These didn't appear unheathy immediately. They were fun. Eating crappy food, drinking, smoking, and killing brain cells in general were all part of the blooming buzzing confusion of my teens. I had some misgivings about them, but generally I was caught up in the moment of being young and dumb.
Years went by and it became more and more apparent how bad decisions effect your development. I ended up reducing exercise, and gaining body fat (but never weight strangely), slowly becoming slightly depressed and wasting tons of money. But these things all happened slowly and incrementally.
The point I am getting at is that our habitual assumptions are often not in line with our actions because they are held onto unless some big contradiction arises between them and reality. When that contradiction happens gradually, it takes a lot to bring to your attention the problems at hand. I was always healthy, and kept assuming so, even though i was making unhealthy decisions. Without an intense amount of reflection upon the changes that one goes through in life, I think I would never have realized the contradiction between my "healthy" assumptions and my poor decisions. Since most people probably do not analyze their selves and their development all that much, they do not realize how much they fail to fulfill their ideals. This is (one reason) why so many people are unhealthy!
But how do you update your assumptions about yourself to make sure that you are making the best decisions you can and living as fully by your ideals as possible?
Obviously, I am not entirely sure. For starters, try to understand your history and how you got to where you are. Also make sure that your ideals are achievable. A good test for this could be asking yourself whether any reasonably normal person could achieve a certain goal. Eating healthy and exercise, for instance, or being honest for another, are things that are definitely in the realm of average human achievement. Being one of the most influential historical figures of our era, on the other hand, is not such a humanly reasonable ideal. In the end though you have to be the judge.
Finally, it is important to note that many ideals can only be achieved with the support of you immediate community. Just as, I changed my practices, and abandoned my ideal of health, as I changed into my adolescent social group, I will need to change my social group to return to my ideal of health. That is a very challenging and convoluted task. I think my next topic may be on the nature/challenge of changing social groups. Maybe this will start to provide continuity within these bloggings. (what is the name for each post? is it a "blog"? That doesn't seem right since thats the name of the whole thing. I just think "blog post" sounds awkward)
I, like most mortals, have ideals. These are the projections of the ways that I do and wish to carry myself through life. I, however, seem to have trouble fulfilling the ones that I find most compellingly true. I want to know why. It is crazy that with some of my ideals, say being in excellent physical health, I barely even try. Now, I am not morbidly unhealthy by any means, but I definitely could do a lot more in the department. Nothing makes more sense to me than to exercise and eat right. But i don't.
I think this disconnect between my practices and my beliefs has to do with my assumptions that have accompanied my development. I had an exceptionally healthy childhood. I ate right, got tons of exercise, rarely got sick and never worried about my health. Then as I started leaving my parents domain in my teens and partook in the habits of my peers. I began making unhealthy decisions. These didn't appear unheathy immediately. They were fun. Eating crappy food, drinking, smoking, and killing brain cells in general were all part of the blooming buzzing confusion of my teens. I had some misgivings about them, but generally I was caught up in the moment of being young and dumb.
Years went by and it became more and more apparent how bad decisions effect your development. I ended up reducing exercise, and gaining body fat (but never weight strangely), slowly becoming slightly depressed and wasting tons of money. But these things all happened slowly and incrementally.
The point I am getting at is that our habitual assumptions are often not in line with our actions because they are held onto unless some big contradiction arises between them and reality. When that contradiction happens gradually, it takes a lot to bring to your attention the problems at hand. I was always healthy, and kept assuming so, even though i was making unhealthy decisions. Without an intense amount of reflection upon the changes that one goes through in life, I think I would never have realized the contradiction between my "healthy" assumptions and my poor decisions. Since most people probably do not analyze their selves and their development all that much, they do not realize how much they fail to fulfill their ideals. This is (one reason) why so many people are unhealthy!
But how do you update your assumptions about yourself to make sure that you are making the best decisions you can and living as fully by your ideals as possible?
Obviously, I am not entirely sure. For starters, try to understand your history and how you got to where you are. Also make sure that your ideals are achievable. A good test for this could be asking yourself whether any reasonably normal person could achieve a certain goal. Eating healthy and exercise, for instance, or being honest for another, are things that are definitely in the realm of average human achievement. Being one of the most influential historical figures of our era, on the other hand, is not such a humanly reasonable ideal. In the end though you have to be the judge.
Finally, it is important to note that many ideals can only be achieved with the support of you immediate community. Just as, I changed my practices, and abandoned my ideal of health, as I changed into my adolescent social group, I will need to change my social group to return to my ideal of health. That is a very challenging and convoluted task. I think my next topic may be on the nature/challenge of changing social groups. Maybe this will start to provide continuity within these bloggings. (what is the name for each post? is it a "blog"? That doesn't seem right since thats the name of the whole thing. I just think "blog post" sounds awkward)
Monday, January 4, 2010
On Resolutions
A New Year!!!
But, who cares.
Its funny how we make a big deal about an arbitrary date which we choose to use as the starting point of our revolution around the sun. Its a circle, there is no real start of a year. We are always drifting in orbit. So why make some one-day portion of that drift so significant? I don't get it. I mean, practically it makes sense to measure years. But to treat it as a time of year to renew yourself is as silly as it is usually unsuccessful. Renewal, I believe, is something that should happen on a daily basis. Life without growth, is no life at all.
Why do people almost universally fail their new years resolutions? Or why have I failed nearly all of my resolutions? I know that, at least in the case of New Years resolutions, people fail because the timing of new years has nothing to do with the patterns of life. One must be in the right state of mind while attempting to practice new patterns of existence. That state of mind comes from within, not an arbitrary date that occurs exactly once every 365.2425 days. I have failed most of my resolutions because I have made the commitment to change prior to the mental preparation that makes any lasting change possible.
Another problem I have encountered with resolutions is that the right ones are hard to find. Many of them seem to require others. Wasting less time, for example, would require that one give up surfing the interenet or hanging out with particular people etc... The reality is that we are not good at making a bunch of changes at once. We are definitely creatures of habit. Habits are mixed together and we shouldn't pretend that all of them can be separated. If we do, then we will probably fail our resolutions since we can use other habits to justify our breaking of the original resolution. If you are going to actually try to follow through with a resolution, make sure that
a.) you are aware that resolution entails a much broader set of practices that need changed
b.) you are mentally prepared.
The other side of resolutions, which up to now I have ignored, is positive. That is, I was focusing on resolutions like "I want to stop X." But what about: "I want to start Y"
These too have a lot of similar problems. You must be mentally prepared to commit to a new practice and aware that new occupations often imply more than just doing the new activity itself. Although more labor and thought intensive, it may be best to make resolutions that involve both negative and positive commitments. Stop doing some things and replace them with others or more of something you already do. Instead of eating junk food, go on a stroll!
A final thought on resolutions. If you have one that involves another individual or group of individuals in some way, it is probably best that you communicate to them what you are doing and why. If your plans to change depend upon the choices and actions of others, it also depends on them changing some of their habits. If they don't know, how can they support you? If they know but still don't support you, you have simply discovered that you either have to abandon your resolution or go on finding ways to make it work without them. It is easy to fail to understand how much the actions of others influences your decisions and habits.
But, who cares.
Its funny how we make a big deal about an arbitrary date which we choose to use as the starting point of our revolution around the sun. Its a circle, there is no real start of a year. We are always drifting in orbit. So why make some one-day portion of that drift so significant? I don't get it. I mean, practically it makes sense to measure years. But to treat it as a time of year to renew yourself is as silly as it is usually unsuccessful. Renewal, I believe, is something that should happen on a daily basis. Life without growth, is no life at all.
Why do people almost universally fail their new years resolutions? Or why have I failed nearly all of my resolutions? I know that, at least in the case of New Years resolutions, people fail because the timing of new years has nothing to do with the patterns of life. One must be in the right state of mind while attempting to practice new patterns of existence. That state of mind comes from within, not an arbitrary date that occurs exactly once every 365.2425 days. I have failed most of my resolutions because I have made the commitment to change prior to the mental preparation that makes any lasting change possible.
Another problem I have encountered with resolutions is that the right ones are hard to find. Many of them seem to require others. Wasting less time, for example, would require that one give up surfing the interenet or hanging out with particular people etc... The reality is that we are not good at making a bunch of changes at once. We are definitely creatures of habit. Habits are mixed together and we shouldn't pretend that all of them can be separated. If we do, then we will probably fail our resolutions since we can use other habits to justify our breaking of the original resolution. If you are going to actually try to follow through with a resolution, make sure that
a.) you are aware that resolution entails a much broader set of practices that need changed
b.) you are mentally prepared.
The other side of resolutions, which up to now I have ignored, is positive. That is, I was focusing on resolutions like "I want to stop X." But what about: "I want to start Y"
These too have a lot of similar problems. You must be mentally prepared to commit to a new practice and aware that new occupations often imply more than just doing the new activity itself. Although more labor and thought intensive, it may be best to make resolutions that involve both negative and positive commitments. Stop doing some things and replace them with others or more of something you already do. Instead of eating junk food, go on a stroll!
A final thought on resolutions. If you have one that involves another individual or group of individuals in some way, it is probably best that you communicate to them what you are doing and why. If your plans to change depend upon the choices and actions of others, it also depends on them changing some of their habits. If they don't know, how can they support you? If they know but still don't support you, you have simply discovered that you either have to abandon your resolution or go on finding ways to make it work without them. It is easy to fail to understand how much the actions of others influences your decisions and habits.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
2 days worth of inspiration.
Have had an excellent past two days. I acquired a new job yesterday, started it today, and enjoyed it for the most part. I'm working in the produce section of a organic market. Job description: Fun with veggies. I also got some work done on my thesis and made contact with some peeps that I needed to for my immanent internship at a local law firm.
This is much more achievement than I am used too.
FURTHERMORE, I went on an awesome urban adventure with a childhood friend and took some really cool photographs of an abandoned warehouse on Cleveland's east side AND I reignited my passion for snowboarding since I went to Alpine Valley this evening. Looky here:
Cleveland Warehouse
Alpine Valley
Good times indeed.
I have found that there has to be some sort of passion behind being driven in life. Where bursts of passion come from, I do not know. They do though, and life is all the more richer. Maybe these bursts of spirit arise from interactions with others. Inspiring people. People who care about you. People to care about.
It does not seem like I can will myself into states of enthusiasm. Seems like most poeple are like that. We feed off of each others morale. We are morale cannibals, if you will.
I think the biggest thing that we humans are blind to is the possibilities that lay before us. People who inspire me create seeds in my mind which show the possibilities of our collective life together. Carl Sagan inspires me. Watch the whole thing. It's worth it.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Day 2
I realize that this blog is more of a form of self therpy and not "designed" for any audience other than myself and whoever stumbles across this. I am not trying to turn this into a cigarette quitting or drug rehab blog. Its about striving for excellence. There are plenty of ways that one can excel with addictions (E.G. Freud, Morrison, Van Gogh...) and there are plenty of ways to slack without addiction (e.g. chronic TV watchers). From now on, I will focus on commenting on methods/ideas i find useful in being satiated with life.
That being said, I still haven't smoked a cig since yesterday and have not drank or gotten high in a while. As of now, I will not keep posting silly updates like that - their boring, and don't really pertain to excellence. One can only thrive if one focuses on his or her positive practices. If you focus too hard on your abstinence from negative practices, you quickly abandon any hope of replacing those habits with a joyful existence. You would either wilt into an Eeyore like apathy, or collapse into some form or other of bad habits.
What did i learn today??? It takes a lot of concentration to do what you want to do. I may be unusually bad, but I have found it very difficult to keep focused on my tasks at hand steadily. I think I am avoiding something! I have a 100 page thesis due in 3 months that I really need to get cracking on, and don't know why i can't motivate myself to do it!!!
Avoidance is sooooo irrational. let's see... I guess I avoid it either because I fear that I will fail, am over-confident that i can do it last minute, and/or am just plain lazy. Probably a mixture of the three. If I fear failure, the only reasonable thing to do is work as hard and as best as I can on it till its done... If you give something your all, you can't fail in every sense (the most important one - i.e. you don't fail to grow). If i am so confident that I can do it last minute, then why don't I either get it done now and get it out of my way, so that i can move on towards other productive healthy activity, or do something else in the meantime before the last minute? Finally, If I am just plain lazy, why don't I just start now or give it up because its only making it harder by waiting? Obviously procrastination, avoidance, lazyness, over-confidence etc... are terribly irrational and counter productive. So, should we eliminate irrational things in general from our lifestyle? I don't think so. I know that irrational things are capable of motivating me to do counter-productive things. I want to know if they are capable of motivating me to do productive things. But what would a irrational productive habit look like? Tomorrow...
That being said, I still haven't smoked a cig since yesterday and have not drank or gotten high in a while. As of now, I will not keep posting silly updates like that - their boring, and don't really pertain to excellence. One can only thrive if one focuses on his or her positive practices. If you focus too hard on your abstinence from negative practices, you quickly abandon any hope of replacing those habits with a joyful existence. You would either wilt into an Eeyore like apathy, or collapse into some form or other of bad habits.
What did i learn today??? It takes a lot of concentration to do what you want to do. I may be unusually bad, but I have found it very difficult to keep focused on my tasks at hand steadily. I think I am avoiding something! I have a 100 page thesis due in 3 months that I really need to get cracking on, and don't know why i can't motivate myself to do it!!!
Avoidance is sooooo irrational. let's see... I guess I avoid it either because I fear that I will fail, am over-confident that i can do it last minute, and/or am just plain lazy. Probably a mixture of the three. If I fear failure, the only reasonable thing to do is work as hard and as best as I can on it till its done... If you give something your all, you can't fail in every sense (the most important one - i.e. you don't fail to grow). If i am so confident that I can do it last minute, then why don't I either get it done now and get it out of my way, so that i can move on towards other productive healthy activity, or do something else in the meantime before the last minute? Finally, If I am just plain lazy, why don't I just start now or give it up because its only making it harder by waiting? Obviously procrastination, avoidance, lazyness, over-confidence etc... are terribly irrational and counter productive. So, should we eliminate irrational things in general from our lifestyle? I don't think so. I know that irrational things are capable of motivating me to do counter-productive things. I want to know if they are capable of motivating me to do productive things. But what would a irrational productive habit look like? Tomorrow...
Sunday, December 27, 2009
I moved in the right direction today. Complete sobriety, minus my last cig. I was only online for about an hour, got some reading done and spent quality time with my family. Most importantly I am going to bed early.
Thoreau always talks about the dawn as the best part of life. I think i know what he means. It is better to be waking to the world. That is, If you look at the world anew with ceaseless fascination, it will provide endless joy. Zen calls this approach "beginners mind." Give up your assumptions about how the world operates and let it reveal itself to you. There is plenty to listen to. I think Hiedegger has a word for this too. I can't remember. Basically though his idea entails an approach to the world akin to the way we would approach an artifact we discover without knowing its structure or purpose. When we approach things with awe, and let ourselves discover qualities of nature without prejudice, we also burrow deep into our nature.
This is where i hope to find happiness.
Thoreau always talks about the dawn as the best part of life. I think i know what he means. It is better to be waking to the world. That is, If you look at the world anew with ceaseless fascination, it will provide endless joy. Zen calls this approach "beginners mind." Give up your assumptions about how the world operates and let it reveal itself to you. There is plenty to listen to. I think Hiedegger has a word for this too. I can't remember. Basically though his idea entails an approach to the world akin to the way we would approach an artifact we discover without knowing its structure or purpose. When we approach things with awe, and let ourselves discover qualities of nature without prejudice, we also burrow deep into our nature.
This is where i hope to find happiness.
Day 1
Today is the first day of my conscious transformation. I will be documenting as best as possible what it feels like to attempt, as whole-heartedly as possible, self-actualization. Obviously, "self-actualization" is a nebulous and subjective term. I do not pretend it to mean perfection. I merely want to concentrate on keeping my eye on the prize. The prize is happiness, satisfaction, wholeness, joy, freedom, love, confidence, truth. I hypothesize that these all come more or less bundled in the same set of practices.
So I am changing my practices.
Quick personal history: Great Childhood; felt dissonance around 5th grade when I became socially conscious - did some slightly rebellious things with my brother during early teen years; During middle school fell into both the counter-culture of the skate/bmx/snowboard/punk world; and simultaneously into the popularity world of school; In the beginning of high school I started drinking and smoking (magic herbs and cigs), and always had mixed feelings about it. I liked drinking and smoking with friends, but quickly realized that it is a boring road to no where. I still kept doing it anyways, always wanting to stop in the back of my mind. I struggle with this today. I have quit drinking, and cigs, and weed all multiple times (for months, sometimes). I did all of them yesterday - Obviously, i have failed. I am addicted to them. These practices make me lethargic, easily distracted, and unproductive. I hate it. This is what i need to change.
Part of the issue is that I have always wanted to be with all of my friends, who I essentially met before I became a degenerate. Since they are all mixed up in the same self-destructive practices as me, it makes it feel o.k. and justifies my doing it. It is a problem of group think. But, since in the past I have attempted to excommunicate myself from my friends and failed, It might be better to approach it this way: I can still be friends with them, but just not hang out with them on a daily basis. I need to build the habit of abstaining from self-destructive practices independently from them, while i build relationships that revolve around HEALTHY forms of activity. Luckily, I have met a girl recently that helps me do just that!
I would ideally like to still have fun with my friends once or twice a week, my girl every day, and spend serious time everyday working towards my positive goals. I spend way too much time on the internet and dicking around with my friends.
Right now, I am going on a solo hike and smoking the last cigarette from a pack which I hope to be my last. I'll post again later today to see what changes I have started and if I have wasted less time. I don't consider hiking a waste of time, but an essential ingredient for my self-realization. I like, maybe too much, reflection.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
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